Cosy conflict
Part of my struggle to understand what I actually want from cosy stuff is struggling with 'conflict'.
Conflict sounds like war, fighting, arguing. I know that's not what authors and writing advice books mean. But that's what it conjures. The misunderstandings, the third act breakup, as I said before.
(Is it just that I don't like it done badly? This is something I'm trying to be more careful about. Do I dislike the thing or how it's implemented?)
Words I think it might be helpful to use instead of 'conflict' all the time: drama, tension, obstacle, opposition, mystery, challenge.
Will they / won't they, is a form of tension. Opposition is useful because opposing goals, or obstacles, don't necessarily caused conflict but the clash when goals come into opposition with each other.
Gene Roddenberry had an idea that there shouldn't be interpersonal conflict within the Star Trek crew. The drama had to come from outside. We can see it in early TNG. But not much further. Because it rules out a whole bunch of Drama. Perhaps it's different on tv where they have to fill many more hours than a book would. Also, this is based on a military structure where, as I understand the military, one is not generally encouraged to debate and discuss.
One of the things I realised I enjoyed about Sense8 is there's no / minimal conflict within the cluster. There are tensions but the story isn't driven by that interpersonal conflict. Them having each other's backs against the outside world is actually very exciting.
Then there's the question of stakes. Which, traditionally I'm not sure I agree with high-low definitions for. Trying to be happy, trying to be better, feels high stakes to me. I find traditional 'high stakes saving the world' gets draining and formulaic. It's a stretch, for some stories... so maybe just don't do it? A story can still be important if it's not about saving the world.
It's not that I don't want challenge. People overcoming obstacles. Trying to be better. Even a bit of well-placed angst. I'm just not interested in horrible people doing horrible things. I'm not interested in overblown stakes or 'conflict' for the sake of conflict.