Good community
One of my concerns with my previous post on community was that it sounded like I was dunking on the communities I am in. I said I was in some lovely communities, and I am. Also I felt like it was more negative than I would prefer to be. And I knew it was going to take more thinking than just one blog post, so here's another. Focusing on good community stuff.
In one of my Nanowrimo groups we had a fantastic ML - the group organiser. New people were always greeted immediately. Sometimes this meant people wandering into our corner of the coffee shop who weren't actually there for Nano. She would approach them, asking if they were here to write a novel. If they said no she would say "Well would you like to?" People generally were amused and intrigued. It wasn't embarrassing or weird. It was more important that people were welcomed than that some people might be unnecessarily welcomed.
You're thinking, That's okay for her, being all outgoing and having superhuman socialising skills. Except I knew her outside of November. She wasn't naturally like that at all. She worked so hard. And I really appreciated that.
She remains the gold standard for me in how to do this stuff. When I organised a small local meetup for Nano in a different city I just copied her approach. Make the group visible, greet everyone, instigate the conversations. This feels so basic but it is wild how often this does not happen.
My wife is part of a community for LGBTQ+ people in her industry. So it's kind of professional, kind of networking, kind of socialising, kind of advocacy. They have meetups and events. Where she and the leadership team will go around the room, collect anyone flying solo, and bring them into a group. They understand that their function as organisers isn't just to hang out but actively manage the event.
At the boardgame cafe D&D session I went with my wife and a friend but we made an effort not to act as a bloc with the fourth member of our table. He didn't even realised we already knew each other until an hour in. Which, to me, is ideal. Clearly we were doing something right.
Is that last example part of being in communities or more like making friends? There's a lot of overlap, obviously. But cliques will kill communities dead so it is always good to avoid them. Being viewed in a community (like a boardgame cafe) as being open to meeting people, friendly, welcoming, and so on, is good both for the community and for making friends.
This is also super-related to a more psychological take on how people work in, feel about, and respond to groups. Which is always so fascinating. That might have to be my next post on the theme. It seems I have a lot to say.
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