Second guessing
Been second guessing myself a lot lately. Proving a point, this is my second version of this post. Felt like the first one turned out too negative.
The second guessing is a symptom. It's a sign of something going on. Editing and re-editing messages even if they are to my wife or sister, who don't care about my grammar. Procrastinating on emails. Writing and deleting a post. Trying so hard to plan an optimal way of doing things that I don't actually do the thing. Procrastinating on projects. Getting wound up about completely harmless hypotheticals that may or may not need deciding a year from now. Dithering generally.
Overwhelm, procrastination, perfectionism... it's anxiety. Ins and outs do not matter. I'm not surprised I'm feeling this way right now but nor am I willing to just wait and hope it goes away.
(I'm going to talk about what I do in this situation and I'm not going to second guess myself and delete it worrying how it might sound to anyone else. I'm not an expert and I'm not saying anyone else should do these things.)
Slow down inputs. My inputs are already pretty slow but I can make them slower. In practice this means less TV, no video games, and even less checking of the few things I do check. So, just reading, basically. But taking a break from I Who Have Never Known Men because it's great, but grim.
Physical exertion. My primary daily mode of physical exertion dropped off a cliff ten months ago and for various reasons I have not addressed that. It's no coincidence I have been feeling worse in complex and interrelated ways. But I need to put a quick fix on it even if it does not become the long-term solution because truly this cannot continue. Tire myself out physically not just mentally.
Bite bullets. Sometimes one must bite bullets. Have a good munch. Whatever unpleasantness I think doing the chore will be it's no worse than dragging around the psychic weight of not doing it and knowing I still have to do it.
Action! The other evening the sensation hit me to go and do something. I didn't. I came up with all sorts of nonsense about why I couldn't. This was a mistake! I should have gone for it.
Got a busy weekend as of tomorrow so that will be good to throw myself into.