What the Fran

Victorian etiquette manuals

The Victorian etiquette manuals on my interests page are by far the most commented-on aspect of my site so I guess I should explain. The why, then some examples of the books themselves.

Let's get some stuff out of the way first. I don't believe in the good old days, I'm not a tradwife, I loathe Downton Abbey. At this point in time my ancestors worked in mills in industrial northern cities. They lived multiple families to a basement in the slums. These etiquette books were not meant for my family. Or for the majority of other people at the time, not really. These etiquette books are relics. Missives from an alien civilisation.

And yet, not. We can't entirely discount the world these books came from. Perhaps one of the things I like is this constant tension between "It's obsolete" and "We can still feel this today".

It helps to understand historical context. For history, for stories. And I like history and stories. I think it's important to know where society has come from. In a 'know your enemies' sense. It did shape society. Does still.

I got into these etiquette manuals as research for stories I was writing, set in the 1890s. I do enjoy the period and this structure is part of way. It's an inbuilt tension and conflict between the individual and the strictures of society. Especially in an f/f romance.

No one lived like this full-time. The manuals are idealised, aspirational. Victorians - and people all through history - were human. They were funny and silly, they grieved, they were lewd and rude. They were people and so much of the rest is window dressing.

I'm not particularly interested in modern etiquette. I've read Debrett's but not any of the more modern books that incorporate air travel or social media. I don't care how I or anyone else eats asparagus. Eat asparagus however you want! On the positive side, with anxiety, wouldn't it be nice to know exactly what to do in every situation? Or would that in fact be worse?

So here are some etiquette manuals! All are available in the public domain. Most of the links are to Internet Archive, a few are Project Gutenberg and one (noted) is Google Books.

Etiquette, or A guide to the usages of society with a glance at bad habits

Possibly my very favourite. First published in 1834 in London, written by Charles William Day. By 1854 it had run to 28 editions. In 1844 an edition 'adapted for American society' was published in New York.

Many unthinking persons consider the observance of Etiquette to be nonsensical and unfriendly, as consisting of unmeaning forms, practised only by the silly and the idle; an opinion which arises from their not having reflected on the reasons that have led to the establishment of certain rules indispensable to the well-being of society, and without which, indeed, it would inevitably fall to pieces, and be destroyed.

Fighting words.

Some persons spoil every party they join by making it their only object to prove that every one present is in the wrong but themselves.

People, you see. People do not change.

A Lady: A Manual of Etiquette for Ladies; or, The Principles of Politeness.

This one, from 1856 is a pain to find. Searches almost always come up with Florence Hartley's (below). I've only been able to find it on Google Books.

Etiquette demands that certain dresses should be worn at certain times. It is a mark of deficient education for a lady to appear in full dress before dinner, or in undress in the evening. There are certain dresses adapted to the different hours of the day, and every lady should study these proprieties of polite life. To observe a lady dressed in the height of the mode, in a costume fitting for an evening party, walking in the street in the forenoon, or attending a morning concert, or making a friendly visit, at once betrays her deficiency of taste and judgment, exhibits her flimsy attempts at gentility, and says, as plainly as dress can say it, "I do not know anything of the rules of high life; I am only striving to appear something that I really am not, and in sober earnest, my idea of aristocratic life is but a tradition of Mrs. Washington Potts, of Islington."

I need a stiff drink and a lie down after that.

Correspondence

There's a subset of manners manuals that are about how to write letters and correspond generally.

Frost's original letter-writer a complete collection of original letters and notes upon every imaginable subject of every-day life: with plain directions about everything connected with writing a letter.

When it says 'a complete collection' you better believe it. There are examples of every kind of letter you could ever need to be writing in 1867. It feels like a story, every letter could be a prompt. Need to sack your housemaid and then refuse to give her a character? Give an unfavourable reply to a proposal? Remonstrate with your fiancee for flirting? Refuse your daughter a holiday from school? Congratulate a friend on the unexpected return of a son supposed to be dead? Frost is your guy! Just read the contents page, it's enough.

How to Write Letters A Manual of Correspondence, Showing the Correct Structure, Composition, punctuation, formalities, and uses of the various kinds of letters, notes, and cards. James Willis Westlake, 1876.

During the last few years the type-writing machine has been much used in correspondence, especially by business and professional men. Letters may be written in this manner much more rapidly and easily than with the pen;

A type-writing machine. Fancy! There then follows incredibly exacting calculations of spacing.

Chesterfield's Art of letter writing simplified: being a guide to friendly, affectionate, polite and business correspondence, takes aim at the pre-formed letter-writing manuals for not covering every possible case:

As to the "love letters," the writer thereof has made no provision for Jemima's acceptance of Joseph on condition that he will at once shave off his moustache, and take to all-round collars, and give up punning at the dinner-table

Poor Joseph. Stay punning.

More of the same

There are stacks. They were churning this stuff out. They can be hard to wrangle because there are so bloody many of them, so many of the titles are so similar if not actually the same, and there are a squillion editions and updates of each and published in different places. These are but a small sampling:

Other stuff

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