Why would the world need this from me? and other unhelpful questions from my brain
What is this thinking - when I come up with an idea and my brain immediately says "Why would the world need this from you? Do you think you are better than all the other people doing this?"
And I reply, "No, you're right," and stop.
Is it imposter syndrome? Is it a defence mechanism to stop me trying interesting new things? What is it? I know it's common.
I'm not a competitive person so I don't think it's a "There's no point if I can't be the best" thing. My motto is "If something is worth doing it's worth doing badly."
When I write fic I can rationalise it. The stuff I post is readable and the hope is that it will amuse people, be enjoyed by people. I think of it as a homemade gift. I made this for the fandom out of sheer love and not much skill. They can read it if they want to. And I know it makes people happy because they tell me so. The same questions bother me but are surmountable.
Can I apply this to most other things I do? No!
The terror I have of other people thinking "Who does she think she is?" When all I think I am is a dumbass trying to have a fun time.
Which is why I always go out of my way to say my stuff isn't good. Like, I know. You can't hurt me by saying it's not good because I already know! So there.
It's worse outside fanfic because everything outside fanfic is (shudder) monetisable. Where we reach a whole other level. Even if I'm not asking for money - other people are.
Does the world need this? Well, maybe not. Should that stop me? No! The world is full of superfluous stuff. Almost everything in a supermarket is superfluous stuff. In some cases entire aisles could be condensed to one shelf. How many types of loo roll do we really need? But people have preferences. There's a difference between Coke and Pepsi and people will fight about it.
It's obvious in writing. People love a trope and they don't read one example and say "Yup, done, need fulfilled." They keep reading. Entire genres are spawned. Appetites are insatiable.
There's nothing new under the sun, and so on and so forth.
The stuff we create is uniquely ours. Like the terroir of wine. There isn't one wine. "Welp, someone already made a wine so we can't do that." Each is that little bit different and thus will appeal to different tastes.
This is what I would say to a friend. Have said. Need to work on saying to myself.