Social batteries
Still thinking about community stuff and Imperfect wrote about repairing social batteries. I've long conceptualised socialising as a batteries idea and it's been really helpful for me.
My social batteries do not hold an awful lot of charge.
The only person they don't deplete with is my wife. Presumably that is why she is my wife. It would be hard to live with someone who exhausted me. The only other person who comes close is my sister and presumably that's because she's my sister and also my best friend.
The niblings, who I adore, are exhausting both physically and mentally. Spending time with them fills up a different kind of battery. My battery of believing in purity and wholesomeness and the future.
A lot of the variables are obvious. The better I know someone and the more I like them the longer the battery lasts. The better I feel in myself in that moment - physically, mentally - the slower the battery drains. The environment, known or unknown, comfortable or uncomfortable. The other people and how I feel about them. The situation and how much I understand and feel confident in my role.
It doesn't stop me from doing things. I need to do things, I need to be sociable. It's good for me. It's just that I know I'm going to feel certain ways after. I know I'll need a little bit of time. I know how to charge my batteries back up after, or during, and how to stop them running down so fast.
So, for instance, yesterday I did a lot of socialising. It was a really nice day but I was in company for eleven and a half hours, with a couple of people I didn't know very well and one completely new person. That and the heat, travel, and trudging around all day, meant I felt like I was coming down with something by the time I got home. But no reason to worry! I knew exactly why I felt that way, and what to do. I just needed to keep a low profile today, until I could get home and chill - having made sure this evening was free. And drink lots of water.
My wife, on the other hand, had an even busier more sociable weekend than me and is fired up. She is ready to go, off like a rocket planning more activities this week and booking repeats for next year. I need to hide in my cave for a bit and not think about all that.
I just need corresponding downtime. As soon as possible. And if that is not soon possible I will understand why I still feel grumpy or unsociable or tired, or whatever. Downtime mostly involves some combination of being outside, reading, and listening to music.
Some people will say this is all too much to think about. Navel gazing. That's fair, they probably don't have to think about it. But I have thought about it and I have found it helps. Know thyself.
I also like to think about other batteries and energies. My creative batteries. They need charging. My work batteries. My optimism batteries.
Before I got so navel gazey about it I'd just feel bad without knowing why. I'd feel tired and anxious and rotten. As well as guilty for not getting things right, not being able to perform, or even function in basic ways. But I tuned in and tested and I figured it out. At least, I figured it out better. It is not 'figured out' in a final sense but I no longer need to be medicated in order to leave the house which is an improvement by any metric.
I can improve further but also I can not feel bad about not improving. Knowing this stuff allows me to do more - my battery capacity has increased. I understand what's happening and don't need to get so freaked out by feeling certain ways, and I have more confidence I can handle the after effects.
I am a central nervous system contained in a meatsack supporting forty trillion bacteria. Fitting in was hard coded into my DNA for hundreds of thousands of years when it meant actual life or death. Sometimes I get knackered trying to comply with labyrinthine social mores. And that's okay.
Part of Thinking about community, Good community, and Ready to bury bodies
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